Hola! from the absentee blogger...

Holy smokes..I wonder if anyone will even read this. It's been FOR.E.VER. I wish I had a really good explanation for my lack of blogging, but sadly there is none. I just didn't feel like it!
So much has happened since my last post, and really it was just a lot all at once and I just didn't feel like adding a blog to the mix. BUT! I'm getting back into my groove (for now) and want to update you guys!

So...where to start..here's a pic of me and my crew..yes the angle makes Reagan's head look super long and she might also have some snot in this shot..sigh. some of you are saying uh Soph we know some pretty awesome news you need to share...for those of you who might not know what I'm alluding to...

BAM! that my friends is a very cheesy photo (HA!) of my 24 week baby bump! and its full of this little guy

yup. got an alien in there. juuust kidding, but it is indeed a little mister. I'll hafta tell you the story about the day I found out. Its pretty sweet...some other day though.

I've had a phone with a cracked screen for six months now, our contract was pretty much up and getting a new phone would mean renewing a 2 year contract, because obviously, our commercial industry is full of weird socialist Nazi's who want your soul. ahem..sorry. But seriously, we just didn't want to do the contract route. Unfortunately, its a really tempting option when you realize that with our quickly advancing technology, an iPhone 3 is now free with a contract. free. i'm serious. because they're like, sooo outdated now.

So my amazing husband, got me an iPhone. Its like finding the long lost best friend I never knew I needed. Its pretty bad. I have an addiction. I mean c'mon! Have you seen how many FREE apps there are?!? its amazing! oh brave new world indeed....

So, with this addiction I have also discovered my phone has a pretty rockin' camera, and instagram has really rocked my world...here's some pictures of the lil' monsters.

This last one of Emry makes me smile. she is so her daddy's girl; if you know John at all, this is a classic John foley face. She was making weird faces and I asked her to just smile normal, and this is the reaction I got. classic.

Pretty cute pictures eh?

Oh! and if you have an iPhone, look up the voxer app. Its pretty much the greatest thing to happen to me. It turns your phone into a walkie-talkie. Am I stuck in fifth grade? possibly. Buts its totally rad dude. 

I spend too much time talking with this crazy...

ha! oh I love you Aly...voxing with you is like my morning cup of coffee. from starbucks of course.

okay..well...hopefully I'll blog more soon, we start revival with Chris aulson next week, and all hell has broken loose on our family, church families etc...its been pretty astounding to tell the truth. This revival must pack some pretty serious punch, because as Sam Rice says, I can tell God is real by how very real the devil is in my life. so true.

Pray for us! and pray for my mum...her mama has been diagnosed with an untreatable, malignant brain tumor and suddenly we only have a few months left with her. I will be traveling to San Diego to say goodbye..which hurts my heart so much. But I will save that for another post.

someone comment please!!! let me know you still believe in me!!!

The Mailey bird has left the nest

Monday was Mailey's first day of kindergarten. I knew it would be a weird letting go feeling, but our lives are hectic, everyday is sort of this rat race to the finish line. I mean seriously, sometimes I feel like we never ever stop, even my dreams can get scattered and fast paced...so, I knew this day was coming but I hadn't really thought about how quickly it was approaching.And then suddenly, as if magic sprinkled itself over the time I thought I had, we were at the very last weekend before I handed Mailey over to be taught by someone else. A complete stranger in fact. And after that first day, she would be riding the bus to school...such an eerie feeling watching her walk onto that big yellow bus...I wanted so bad to take her to and from every day, but her school is about 16 minutes away, and so we really couldn't afford to drive it twice daily...so with much trepidation I signed that little form...and with huge tears in my eyes walked her onto that bus at seven thirty Tuesday morning and begged the driver to be safe...she probably thought I was paranoid..which I am...but back to that first day...
I got her ready for bed early, which was new, our bed time has been a hopeful nine thirty area...but now that she would need to be ready by 7:20am, our new bedtime was 8pm sharp...so, we hurriedly took bath's, laid out the first little outfit, said a prayer, took a video, then it was night nights and the morning came too soon.
I got up early that day, and prayed for Mailey and really, for me. Was I ready to do this? I dressed the little sleepy head, made blueberry waffles, and we were off to get daddy so he could come too.
Mailey was accepted into one of the most established and sought after charter schools in our county. Forest Ranch Charter. Its a school that really just adheres to a very traditional educational structure, the three R's if you know what I mean. So I couldn't have been more excited, because I don't about you, but I really am not structured enough or patient enough to home school our children.

So, we walked her in and watched as she lined up with her class outside for the very first morning assembly outside. My little girl put her right hand over her heart and said the pledge of Allegiance, she watched intently as the director explained the school year and my heart literally was aching. I was prepared to feel sad, but I was NOT prepared for the intensity of this one emotion that was tugging and piercing my heart...remorse.
I was filled with this deep sadness and longing to go back five years...and just soak her up and capture, really capture and experience each moment.
Had I loved her enough? Had I been patient enough? Did I cherish her while she was still only mine? I don't feel like I did...our lives here have been crazy, I had three in three years, and so inevitably my oldest was pushed to be the example, pushed to learn the rules, pushed to kind of grow up quickly so mommy could deal with the babies that were behind her.
I was watching my still-so-little, Mailey Anne; watching her soak in this new thing, her eyes deep in concentration, her little mind grasping new rules and concepts and I wanted to grab her and run, run far back into time and start over. I wanted to beg God, "please, give me the last year back and I promise I 'll really enjoy her, I won't be so needy for a break from them, I won't tell her to just give me some space, I'll snuggle all day, I'll make cookies and sing songs, I'll let the house go to bunk and just play and make daisy chains, I promise I will, please just give me another year!"
But the cruelty of time, is that it is ever marching forward without one mistaken pause, not a single accidental hiccup, just a constant forward march that leaves us pining and hoping for a chance to reverse it.

Mailey, I hope I did enough. I hope you knew you were loved so much. I hope you had fun while I was still your only teacher. I hope beyond hope....
because now, like water, I see you, all baby's hair and dimpled elbows, slipping through my desperate grasp. Now someone else gets to influence you, and now you come home and I feel you changing. For five years you were only mine to mold and its breaking mama's heart to let that go. But its good for you, good for you to play with other kids, good for you to learn how to sit still, good for you to not constantly be with mommy who doesn't have the ability to just focus on you...its been good for all of us. But I miss you, I miss you so much...I can't explain it very well, but I found this picture that really says what I'm feeling..

My first born...the one who knows what my heart sounds like best. Because after all, you were my first everything. I learned how to really love with you, I learned how to sacrifice everything with you, I learned how to be so loved back with you. I learned how to stop and breath with you, I learned how to be silly and let adulthood go with you, I learned how to dream and imagine with you. First you. Just you. 

See you soon love.

-mama

That is just a quick little video montage of all the clips we took of Mailey's first big day, for the next week I will post one entire clip daily...

A couple of Nerds and a baby

As we were rushing trying to run out the door to make some errands before the pre-nap meltdown; I yelled at the kids "get dressed! I don't care what you wear just make sure you're covered up!!!" Have you ever been there? You've spent the entire morning telling them to get ready! and then go back to their room over and over to find they've gotten distracted mid-undress, or mid-dress and started playing half naked?!!? It drives me mad! And this morning was no exception...so finally, I got Reagan up and ready and told them to go to the door to get shoes on, when I came out...This is the lovely sight I was met with. I cracked up laughing...and didn't change a thing, because seriously, how wonderfully adorably NERDY are these girls?!
And then the video is of the ReaRea....She's recently fallen in absolute love with this little doll...its not very pretty (or washable) and I have major issues with dolls that make noise (is it just me or does it totally creep you out to hear a recording of an adult pretending to be a baby?!?) But this melts my heart...she loves this doll..pats its back and kisses it, FREAKS OUT if one of her sister's takes it (is it too soon to start implementing sharing?) and  licks its poor head until I wonder if its very sanitary...
Isn't she getting big? (another side note, Lily is into babies too!!!! Isn't that so cute?! )

Aren't they just the cutest little nerds you've ever seen?!

Now for the video...

Do you ever?

Do you ever have a chat with your child in the bathroom, where you re-introduce them to mr. spoon, tell them to sit and wait for you to come back......then totally forget they're there?

As I type, I can hear Mailey in the bathroom behind me singing and talking to her imaginary friends, because fifteen minutes ago I  told her to wait for me to come back and think about what she did while she waited. My where did the time go?!
Hmm....I'm sort of enjoying the peace. And besides, she seems to be enjoying herself as well...perhaps I'll leave her there?
Nah...okay, off I go to rescue her from the bathroom. I think Em needs to go potty anyway.
Sigh.

It was one of THOSE days...

Do you ever have one those psycho, mama has gone off the deep end, children you better run for your lives, type of moments?
I had one of those yesterday.
We live in a modest three bedroom apartment. I love it. But its an apartment, which means all of our storage is whatever we can stuff in the closets. And I am a hardcore, anti-clutter freak, I really really can't function in chaos. My friend Anne (of alamo fame) once made the comment, that she thrives in chaos. I envy her. I do. Because I really, really really reallllllly DON'T! Its an issue.
Anyways, I don't really like my kids having load of toys because I hate the mess they make, and if you're like me, you end up just tossing everything in big heaps back into the toy box most days, because you don't feel like sorting and re-organizing for upteenth time. But they do have a fair amount of toys, and mostly the mess is their toy kitchen. Their kitchen is one of my favorite things they have ever received; its all wood, pink and very retro...and a couple months ago I got a ton of wood food and appliances for super duper cheap. So its a great toy. But lots of parts.
About two weeks ago, I painstakingly organized all the parts and put them in labeled ziploc bags. And the kids were given strict orders, that if they did not return each part back to the bag it came from...well...a monster might steal their soul while they sleep. just kidding. I didn't say that. Almost though.
Yesterday afternoon, right before nap time, I finally got Reagan to stop screaming, and biting, and headbanging (I kid you not, she does all of that when she is fighting her sleep) and take a freaking nap. I went to go tell Mailey and Emry to do the same...and found that somehow a bomb had gone off in their room, tossing every single toy and clothing article from the closet onto their floor along with all of reagans socks and shoes.
I lost my mind.
I stood their like a crazy person, eyes bugged out and teeth clenched while my monsters..er children...stood smiling nervously from the corner wondering what was happening to their mother.
I seriously contemplated scooping up every single thing on the floor and throwing into the dump right then and there, in fact I think I may have threatened it. But instead, I told them I was throwing away everything that looked like junk and that I didn't like, because if this is how they were going to treat their stuff, well, I'm sure there's a giant trash can who would love to eat it all.
I told you, I went off the deep end.
So I hurled around their room like a nut case...I dumped every single toy into a pile in the middle and separated them into four categories...big items worth keeping for the bucket, stuffed animals worth keeping for the white crate, kitchen stuff worth keeping for the magenta crate, and other stuff worth saving for the green one. Everything else? trash.
Mailey stood morosely in the doorway saying sad goodbyes to whatever was tossed in the trash bag, she would sigh and tilt her head and mournfully say "goodbye ugly kitty my mommy hates"..I almost laughed. almost.
Emry got in on the action and started picking up whatever she could grab and bring it over all excited and be like "THROW THIS AWAY MOM! AND THIS! AND THIS!"...it was hilarious.
Mailey finally piped up through her toy funeral fog, and said "Mom, you're acting crazy".
I seriously was in a fervor by now...because I just wanted these darn kids asleep...I never get all three asleep at the same time...and I was desperate to make it happen...but this little comment stopped me in my tracks..I started cracking up and we all agreed, mama was acting like a crack head. So, toys were put away nicely, a giant stuffed trash bag was fed to the hungry hungry dumpster, and the children were sent off to nap or else I would really throw everything away.
Here's the after shock. ha ha. clean room, three sleeping beauties...and one mother who had  a moment of startling insanity and enjoyed the results...I'll have to have meltdowns more often.

just kidding.

 The toy tote (still so messy, but alas..)

 The room from the door...ah sweet emptyness..how I love you.

 

Mailey sleeping on my bed...or else her and Emry talk and talk me into another crazy meltdown.

The reaganizer...don't let this picture fool you..this blissful nap lasted...ten minues. sigh.

Emry Adysson...my best little napper EVER!

The magic crates that saved all the toys from oblivion. Thank you target for being cheap. And for having great taste in products. My children thank you.

The end.