Adventures with Potty Mouth and Diva

I think those are going to be my new monikers for the older two. I mean seriously...the things that come out of those two mouth's, its ridiculous. Hmm...lets start with the potty mouthed Emry...

She's pretty cute right? Earlier this week, she was um, sittin' on the potty and she came out after a long while  and said "WHEW! I really had to go the the bathroom mom, and my tummy was just really hurting and it melted my poop!"

Yup. girlfriend had diarrhea. Ick, I know...but her logic and the fact that she even thought about why her poo was different just killed me. what a weirdo that child is...

Next...we have this little teenager, er, I mean FIVE YEAR OLD. Mizz Mailey Anne..on thursday we were driving down to the giant farmers market to do some outreach when Mailey piped up from the back of the van in a very decisive and matter of fact voice stated the following.

"Mom when I turn into a teenager I'm going to make you crazy and drive you up the wall."

John and I just looked at each other for a moment in disbelief then proceeded to crack up and inform her we were NOT very keen on that little prophesy and she should in fact re-direct her ambitions..gooooood grief, that girl makes me crazy..

And there you have it...a pretty typical day with these two lovelies.

Hope you're all having a good weekend...do something fun this week with your kiddo's! Mailey starts kindergarten next week! Can you even stand it?! OH MY!

This one's a doozy

Mailey and I had the most ridiculous conversation last week...bear with me...its semi-naughty but the end result is so incredibly hilarious. Ah children...they really do say the darndest things.

(Mailey comes walking into the kitchen around 8:45am groggy and complaining)

Mai: Mommy I have an earection (yes i'm spelling it EARECTION)
Me: You have an erection?!?!?
Mailey: Yes mom I think I have an earection
Me: Mailey baby, what are you talking about?! where did you learn that?
Mailey irritated and semi crying now- I have an earection mom stop it!

I just stare blankly at her for a minute wondering how to explain to her why she couldn't possibly have an erection, finally...

Me: Mailey where is it? what do you mean? (insert major effort to not die laughing)
Mailey puts her hand over her ear: I'm sick mom, I have an EARECTION!

OHHHHH MY GOOOOOODNESS! An Ear Infection Mailey darling....say EAR INFECTION! Two words! Ha Ha HA HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Oh Mailey...Mailey....

(loud shrieking wails from Emry)
Me: whats going on you guys?
Em: Mailey hit me in the head!
Me: Mailey did you hit her?
Mai: Yes.
Me: Hitting is mean Mailey! We never hit!!!
Mai: sometimes hitting is nice mom
Me: Hitting is NEVER nice
Mai: Yes, sometimes hitting is nice for my hand.

okay, seriously. How do you not laugh. I mean come on, I've totally  been there, when someone (cough...my KIDS) is driving you nuts and like you can literally feel your hand just longing to smack them very very hard. ha ha ha...oh my goodness. So I sat there with an incredulous grin on my face for about five seconds then marched her little audacious self to the bathroom to test her theory.

A prayer for The Savior

Today, as we were driving back home, we passed an apartment complex that was once familiar.

Mailey yelled out "Mommy! That's Jacks house!"

Distracted and tired, I sorta glanced over and gave a complimentary, mmmhmm.

A few minutes went by, and I saw Mailey staring deep in thought at me in the rearview mirror.

"What are you thinking about MaiMai?"

"Jack doesn't come to church anymore mama."

"I know love, I'm sorry."

"How come?"

"I don't know baby. Jack's having a hard time."

"But Jack loves Jesus right?"

"Right now Jack thinks he doesn't"

Long pause. Then as we got home, Mailey asked if we could pray for him. So I said of course we could and bowed my head and waited for Mailey to begin praying for Jack. This is what followed.

"God, I want to pray for Jesus right now. God, I'm just sorry Jack doesn't love Jesus, please tell Jesus to not be sad. And I just want Jesus to not have hurt feelings and I'm sorry Jack isn't nice right now. Please help Jesus not to cry and help him love Jack still."

She wanted to pray for the King of all Kings...the risen One... the Lamb slain for the sins of the world. My darling little daughter could only think that it must hurt Jesus terribly that Jack would turn his back on Him; And in her deepest sincerity, she did the best she could for him. She prayed for Jesus.

And I sat there, a grin on my face, tears in my eyes and an aching heart.

I love you more than...

My girls and I have this fun little game...randomly throughout the day I'll tell one of them, " I love you more than..." and insert something I really really love. It usually consists of food items or stores etc...Mailey usually loves me more than chocolate milk, which is a pretty strong contender of her affection. Emry usually picks cheerios...but this morning...well this morning was a little different.

Me: I love you more than flowers!
E: I love you more than...
M: more than....
E: GOING POOP!

uh...WHAT?!?!? I mean, I'm definitely glad I rank higher than dropping off the cosby kids but good golly. Of course this resulted in giggles all around, which was unfortunate, because that gave Emry the notion I want to be told that more often. So now, every minute or so, I hear, I love you  more than poo mama!
Thanks love. Really. Thanks so much.

AMEN!!

Last night at dinner, I asked Mailey if she would like to pray for the food. Of course she did...here's the prayer she mustered up.

"Oh my Lord! Bless this food! Bless my PANTS!...amen"

BLESS MY PANTS?!?!
hahahahahahahahahahahahhaha......WHO is raising this child?!