Wednesday, July 21, 2010
There is no recovery.
Last night we had an young man over for dinner, he came to church on sunday morning and his testimony will blow your mind. But I'll save that for another post. This one is strictly for the highly humiliating but incredibly hilarious bloopers that have happened in the last four months.
lets start with last night:
Nate, our guest had just finished dinner. I was cleaning up and trying to ignore the children all trying to talk at the same time at the very top of their lungs...as i'm rinsing dishes and cleaning up counters I hear Mailey's excited little voice in the back of head, shout "Look what my mom got my daddy!!" of course I should've stopped everything right then to see exactly WHAT she was showing our unsuspecting guest, but I didn't. .until I hear this awkward "uhhh...." and as I glanced over I saw...
THE CARD I GAVE JOHN AT DINNER MONDAY NIGHT! WHAT THE HECK?! IT WAS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE BUT SO DARN FUNNY I HAD TO BUY IT FOR HIM!!
okay seriously...it was pretty uh, innuendo filled, hmm...I'm not sure there is even a way to delicately describe it. Let's just leave it at, a spoon and a fork cuddling while expressing their affection for each other.
can you say awkward?! Nate was just looking at it, then me, then John like, I don't think I should be reading this, OF COURSE YOU SHOULDN'T! sheesh. So I snatched it out of his poor hands, then like, died laughing..so did John. I mean really...what else is there to do?!
Situation 2: A couple weeks ago, once again; in fact, the week before conference. I was calling up a girl who's been coming, and I was using John's phone. Okay, I 'm pretty tech savvy, but I don't do bluetooth's, I mean come one...I'm sure someday I will be the crazy old lady jabbering to herself, I don't need to look like that now! But he has one, and his phone was linked to it without me realizing, so I had to quickly find it shove it in my ear so I could hear her end...I honestly have no clue how to work those crazy things...she wasn't there so I left a message saying hi etc..well...I thought, just take the bluetooth out of my head and it will hang up. right?! wrong...so as i'm holding it in my hand I proceed to make a very inappropriate comment to my husband. Can a girl catch a break?! I mean really...I'm terrified to hit on my husband ever again! After I say this naughty thing, John sees the bluetooth and immediatly starts laughing and as I realize what's happened I seriously just wanted to race to her house grab her answering maching and chuck it out the gall darned window. I mean really...atleast everyone in our church knows how we keep our marriage working! :) ha.
situation 3: About a month ago, I was at the altar praying with this incredibly sweet lady who's been coming. After she prayed I went to stand up, and found I was standing on my skirt. My stretchy waisted skirt. which pulled down past my butt. Fan-flipping-tastic. Behind me? Four men all trying to sing an altar song as their pastor's wife moons them her granny panties. For reals.
SO! as the post says, there is no recovery. I just delicately yanked up my skirt, my completely oblivious husband just singing away while I slink back to my seat IN THE FRONT ROW...and as I try to carry on, I hear Jack trying (and failing) not to laugh behind me.
ah. the life of a pioneer. or maybe its just the life of a mother...either way, if I ever need a reality check, i'm coming back to this post!
hope you laughed, I sure did. :)