Wednesday, July 21, 2010

There is no recovery.

Last night we had an young man over for dinner, he came to church on sunday morning and his testimony will blow your mind. But I'll save that for another post. This one is strictly for the highly humiliating but incredibly hilarious bloopers that have happened in the last four months.

lets start with last night:
Nate, our guest had just finished dinner. I was cleaning up and trying to ignore the children all trying to talk at the same time at the very top of their i'm rinsing dishes and cleaning up counters I hear Mailey's excited little voice in the back of head, shout "Look what my mom got my daddy!!" of course I should've stopped everything right then to see exactly WHAT she was showing our unsuspecting guest, but I didn't. .until I hear this awkward "uhhh...." and as I glanced over I saw...
okay was pretty uh, innuendo filled, hmm...I'm not sure there is even a way to delicately describe it. Let's just leave it at, a spoon and a fork cuddling while expressing their affection for each other.
can you say awkward?! Nate was just looking at it, then me, then John like, I don't think I should be reading this, OF COURSE YOU SHOULDN'T! sheesh. So I snatched it out of his poor hands, then like, died did John. I mean really...what else is there to do?!

Situation 2: A couple weeks ago, once again; in fact, the week before conference. I was calling up a girl who's been coming, and I was using John's phone. Okay, I 'm pretty tech savvy, but I don't do bluetooth's, I mean come one...I'm sure someday I will be the crazy old lady jabbering to herself, I don't need to look like that now! But he has one, and his phone was linked to it without me realizing, so I had to quickly find it shove it in my ear so I could hear her end...I honestly have no clue how to work those crazy things...she wasn't there so I left a message saying hi etc..well...I thought, just take the bluetooth out of my head and it will hang up. right?! as i'm holding it in my hand I proceed to make a very inappropriate comment to my husband. Can a girl catch a break?! I mean really...I'm terrified to hit on my husband ever again! After I say this naughty thing, John sees the bluetooth and immediatly starts laughing and as I realize what's happened I seriously just wanted to race to her house grab her answering maching and chuck it out the gall darned window. I mean really...atleast everyone in our church knows how we keep our marriage working! :) ha.

situation 3: About a month ago, I was at the altar praying with this incredibly sweet lady who's been coming. After she prayed I went to stand up, and found I was standing on my skirt. My stretchy waisted skirt. which pulled down past my butt. Fan-flipping-tastic. Behind me? Four men all trying to sing an altar song as their pastor's wife moons them her granny panties. For reals.
SO! as the post says, there is no recovery. I just delicately yanked up my skirt, my completely oblivious husband just singing away while I slink back to my seat IN THE FRONT ROW...and as I try to carry on, I hear Jack trying (and failing) not to laugh behind me.
ah. the life of a pioneer. or maybe its just the life of a mother...either way, if I ever need a reality check, i'm coming back to this post!

hope you laughed, I sure did. :)


Danielle said...

om my gosh I am laughing SOOOOOOOO hard!!!!!!

Patti said...

mwahhhaaahahahaha!! I thought I was the only one who did things like that! Love it!

Once when we were pioneering in Phoenix, my husband called our house, and a new convert teenager answered my phone. She didn't ask me- the phone rang and she just answered it. She said hello, and my husband, thinking it was me asked "Sexy Mama??" AAAAGGHH ! As you said, at least she knew our marriage worked;)

Destiny said...

Oh my goodness. What great things i have to look forward too....NOT! I thought i would eventually grow out of those "theres gonna be no recovery from that moments", but i guess they will be following me for forever. Ha ha thanks for the smiles!

Keri Jo Wohlwend said...

Laughing.... there's NO hiding mistakes in a baby church!!

I hope conference was a time of refreshing for you after all this :)

Kelly Marin said...

OH this is seriously hilarious, Isn't pioneering fun!

aly win said...

now that i am having a semi serious astma attack from my side grabbing laughter fit... I will try to control my self enough to type.
like the true meaning of the word not just the lol text blah blah filler word.
thats so funny. ok so the other day i was holding Ryder and talking with a couple of people at church. An older couple and were just talking away and i look down to realize Ryder has not only his hand but his whole arm shoved in my shirt ! like straight down it and its totally pulling the neck line out which im sure was a bit .. revealing. there was no unawkward way to mask my shock and terror as i quickly tried to pull his arm out.
not as good as your story but im sure il get a few under my belt in no time :]

Lacy M said...

Bwaaahaahaahaa!!!!! Sophie...I totally know the card you're talking about! I got it for Steven a few months ago! :) :) :) Great minds think alike!

And least you weren't wearing a thong with your skirt or something...HAHAHA!

I love you and miss you more ;)

Mackenzie Rice said...

breath breath i need breath!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA oh lord...that is seriously the funniest thing ive ever heard..or read :) GAH

Bethany said...

OOOOO MMMYYYY GGGGOOOODDDNNEEESSSS.... stinking hilarious! I'm sure my roommate is in the other room right now wondering what the heck I'm laughing at! :) Goodness... what I have to look forward to! :)

naomi said...

Wow! I've never laughed so hard!!! ha ha ha ha