Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Praying for a miracle!!

So! I promise I'll post more about Mailey's first day, but really quick...We've been looking for a house for over a year now. We've lived in an apartment for two years and man oh man...I vow to never live in one again while my children are young. We have gorgeous, spacious three bedrooms, and I am so grateful for that, BUT! there is no yard for children to run amuck in, nowhere to expend their seemingly endless energy, unless I am outside as well. And to be frank, I have no desire to spend hours upon hours outdoors watching children play...I have things that need to be done. But housing in Chico is astronomical. Because of the 20k+ students that live here for half of the year, most landlords charge by the room. Well....we are a single income family so that really doesn't benefit us at all.
In the last year I have found two other homes that fit what I was looking for...I have never found new homes appealing...I love old country style homes with their nooks and crannies, wood floors and solid walls...the deep attics and well placed cupboards...the character and charm of home that was intended for living in...I love it. And those homes are abundant in Chico, but at a hefty cost. Most two bedrooms of the old century style homes, run for about 1300/mo. I don't know about you, but I might as well just pay my own mortgage at that rate.
But we don't have interest in being tied down to a home or hudnreds of thousands of dollars of debt right now..so renters we shall be.
The first home was huge and mysterious, but the owner needed us to move in asap and we still had about 8 weeks on our lease...that home still calls my name when I drive by...it was so private and full of mystery...the second one, was darling and cozy and the lady pretty much agreed to rent it to us, but then backed out last minute and decided to rent through a property management company, sending the rent up about $300...I was so discouraged at this point and decided to give up.
But I couldn't get over how caged I felt in an apartment, How much I hated walking out my front door to be greeted by smoking college boys, a neurotic and crazy old lady who thought angels and demons sat on buildings, and the constant tap tap of neighbors walking overhead...I wanted my flaming space dang it! whoo..sorry...
Then on saturday I was looking through craigslist and saw a house that somehow I had missed, a three bedroom home in the avenues (the avenues are the central streets of Chico, where all the original homes were built). It had a wood stove and wood floors...and to make it even more darling...it had a playhouse built in the back that matched the house...AND a giant storage, like enough to convert half into an office. They were asking? $925. I immediately thought, this is a scam...but I emailed the owner any way and explained our situation and why we were here.
She called back literally 20 minutes later and offered to show it to me that day even though the last tenant had only moved out the day before and it was still un-ready to be shown. John and I went over and immediately I was in love...John and I both really liked the owners, they are christians, both teachers and they just had a genuine, honest feeling to them. Furthermore they respected the choice John made to be a pastor and so were willing to negotiate the rent down even more if that would help us be able to live there.

Guys...we need this. And I'm asking you sincerely to pray that God moves their hearts in their favor. They will call our references, and make their decision this week. Because of the price, they have had a lot of interest, and they are settling for a lower profit if they choose us. Of course we would be grateful tenants who would absolutely care for their home and make this investment worth their while...but we need God to show this to them and give them assurance we would be a good fit.

will you pray with us? The longer I am a Christian, the more I know that their is power in prayer...so please, please, if you think of it...pray that we have favor in this situation...it would satisfy my whole soul to have a house to be my creative, weirdo, artsy self in...

thank you.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Mailey bird has left the nest

Monday was Mailey's first day of kindergarten. I knew it would be a weird letting go feeling, but our lives are hectic, everyday is sort of this rat race to the finish line. I mean seriously, sometimes I feel like we never ever stop, even my dreams can get scattered and fast paced...so, I knew this day was coming but I hadn't really thought about how quickly it was approaching.And then suddenly, as if magic sprinkled itself over the time I thought I had, we were at the very last weekend before I handed Mailey over to be taught by someone else. A complete stranger in fact. And after that first day, she would be riding the bus to school...such an eerie feeling watching her walk onto that big yellow bus...I wanted so bad to take her to and from every day, but her school is about 16 minutes away, and so we really couldn't afford to drive it twice daily...so with much trepidation I signed that little form...and with huge tears in my eyes walked her onto that bus at seven thirty Tuesday morning and begged the driver to be safe...she probably thought I was paranoid..which I am...but back to that first day...
I got her ready for bed early, which was new, our bed time has been a hopeful nine thirty area...but now that she would need to be ready by 7:20am, our new bedtime was 8pm sharp...so, we hurriedly took bath's, laid out the first little outfit, said a prayer, took a video, then it was night nights and the morning came too soon.
I got up early that day, and prayed for Mailey and really, for me. Was I ready to do this? I dressed the little sleepy head, made blueberry waffles, and we were off to get daddy so he could come too.
Mailey was accepted into one of the most established and sought after charter schools in our county. Forest Ranch Charter. Its a school that really just adheres to a very traditional educational structure, the three R's if you know what I mean. So I couldn't have been more excited, because I don't about you, but I really am not structured enough or patient enough to home school our children.

So, we walked her in and watched as she lined up with her class outside for the very first morning assembly outside. My little girl put her right hand over her heart and said the pledge of Allegiance, she watched intently as the director explained the school year and my heart literally was aching. I was prepared to feel sad, but I was NOT prepared for the intensity of this one emotion that was tugging and piercing my heart...remorse.
I was filled with this deep sadness and longing to go back five years...and just soak her up and capture, really capture and experience each moment.
Had I loved her enough? Had I been patient enough? Did I cherish her while she was still only mine? I don't feel like I did...our lives here have been crazy, I had three in three years, and so inevitably my oldest was pushed to be the example, pushed to learn the rules, pushed to kind of grow up quickly so mommy could deal with the babies that were behind her.
I was watching my still-so-little, Mailey Anne; watching her soak in this new thing, her eyes deep in concentration, her little mind grasping new rules and concepts and I wanted to grab her and run, run far back into time and start over. I wanted to beg God, "please, give me the last year back and I promise I 'll really enjoy her, I won't be so needy for a break from them, I won't tell her to just give me some space, I'll snuggle all day, I'll make cookies and sing songs, I'll let the house go to bunk and just play and make daisy chains, I promise I will, please just give me another year!"
But the cruelty of time, is that it is ever marching forward without one mistaken pause, not a single accidental hiccup, just a constant forward march that leaves us pining and hoping for a chance to reverse it.

Mailey, I hope I did enough. I hope you knew you were loved so much. I hope you had fun while I was still your only teacher. I hope beyond hope....
because now, like water, I see you, all baby's hair and dimpled elbows, slipping through my desperate grasp. Now someone else gets to influence you, and now you come home and I feel you changing. For five years you were only mine to mold and its breaking mama's heart to let that go. But its good for you, good for you to play with other kids, good for you to learn how to sit still, good for you to not constantly be with mommy who doesn't have the ability to just focus on you...its been good for all of us. But I miss you, I miss you so much...I can't explain it very well, but I found this picture that really says what I'm feeling..

My first born...the one who knows what my heart sounds like best. Because after all, you were my first everything. I learned how to really love with you, I learned how to sacrifice everything with you, I learned how to be so loved back with you. I learned how to stop and breath with you, I learned how to be silly and let adulthood go with you, I learned how to dream and imagine with you. First you. Just you. 

See you soon love.

That is just a quick little video montage of all the clips we took of Mailey's first big day, for the next week I will post one entire clip daily...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Adventures with Reaganizer and Em-deezy

Mailey started school this Monday, and I really should be blogging about it...but when I finally do it I know I will cry and cry just typing through that day. It was surprisingly, waaaaaaayyy more emotional for me than I had expected...but look for it tomorrow k? SO! instead...here's a fun little video of Emry and Reagan rough housing during the day. They're becoming so much closer now that Em doesn't have Mailey to play with....definitely bitter sweet.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Adventures with Potty Mouth and Diva

I think those are going to be my new monikers for the older two. I mean seriously...the things that come out of those two mouth's, its ridiculous. Hmm...lets start with the potty mouthed Emry...

She's pretty cute right? Earlier this week, she was um, sittin' on the potty and she came out after a long while  and said "WHEW! I really had to go the the bathroom mom, and my tummy was just really hurting and it melted my poop!"
Yup. girlfriend had diarrhea. Ick, I know...but her logic and the fact that she even thought about why her poo was different just killed me. what a weirdo that child is...

Next...we have this little teenager, er, I mean FIVE YEAR OLD. Mizz Mailey Anne..on thursday we were driving down to the giant farmers market to do some outreach when Mailey piped up from the back of the van in a very decisive and matter of fact voice stated the following.
"Mom when I turn into a teenager I'm going to make you crazy and drive you up the wall."

John and I just looked at each other for a moment in disbelief then proceeded to crack up and inform her we were NOT very keen on that little prophesy and she should in fact re-direct her ambitions..gooooood grief, that girl makes me crazy..

And there you have it...a pretty typical day with these two lovelies.
Hope you're all having a good weekend...do something fun this week with your kiddo's! Mailey starts kindergarten next week! Can you even stand it?! OH MY!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Oh I need a boy

This picture says it all