Friday, April 16, 2010
If there were no words...
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
Oh that quote made my heart absolutely ache. Its an odd ache, its an emotion thats both sweet and chagrined. I have been married for 5 years today, April 17th. Can you hardly stand it?! He loved me another year...I loved him back with all my might.
During conference, my father in law preached about how if you would've asked him,where he thought he would be in 5 years, when he first got saved; he’d never have guessed the enormity of what actually happened.
5 years ago, if you would've asked me where I saw us in 5 years? I would've said," maybe we'd have a baby, we'd probably be getting into ministry..." and I would've been so wrong! In five years we have become the parents to three little wonders, we're pioneering our own church...I NEVER in all my life, would have been able to correctly see where those vows would’ve taken me.
I married the person who makes my life make sense. The longer I know John, the more sure I am, that I was born, I EXIST, because of my purpose alongside him. This life deals some excruciating blows, and its hard to really feel safe in the travails of living...even salvation can be murky..not that Jesus is clouded or his love confused, but it’s a thing of fear and trembling and sometimes it requires a healthy amount of reverent awe and chastisement...but my marriage… this deep deep friendship; it’s the safest place on earth for me. It’s like my big chair and fireplace, where I can hunker down and hide from everything that scares me...and sometimes I'm very scared. but I've never, ever wondered if it was safe to let the chaff and grain which is my crazy personality, fall into the heart of John...I have always known, that he will indeed gently dismiss the chaff and see the few grains that are there and love every single thing I have to give....
oh my heart aches.
I love you John.
happy anniversary to me. to us. to you.