Friday, August 13, 2010

Push Pause

On Tuesday night I tossed from side to side, aimlessly wandered my house in search of sleep and could not find it. It had been a hard week prior and my mind would not stop turning, as I grew more and more agitated with my inability to sleep I sat on the couch staring out a dark window literally thinking of nothing, just spaced out and over tired...suddenly...I heard those very frightened cries of a child having a bad dream, Mailey was yelling and crying, so I ran to her room gently touched her hair and asked what the matter was.
whoa..she was dreaming someone wouldn't let her have her very very special security blanket. It was about 2am at this point and I was too tired to be amused; I found said blanket and tucked it under the still wimpering Mailey and prayed for her until she went to sleep. Then back out to the couch.
At about 3:45am, I heard VERY scared cries coming from Emry. Emry NEVER wakes up at night, its very rare. Mailey used to sleep walk etc, and frequently talks in her sleep..her little brain just doesn't slow down...but Emry, she has a peace to her. So I am naturally much more attentive to her cries. She was sitting up in bed, disheveled and bawling...of course I asked what the matter was.
"There's a turtle under my covers and it bit my tummy! under there! under there!"
frantically pointing under her covers as she kicked them away from her.
A slow smile spread across my face as I climbed in beside her and convinced her that most definitely there was not a turtle in her bed trying to nip her tummy.
Press Pause.
As I lay there consoling little monsters I had to smile. There was indeed a weird spirit in the house; sometimes you can tangibly feel it. All the children kept waking up crying, I could not sleep and John was fitful in his rest...but all the same, in the attempt of the devil to attack my children's rest, their precious little imaginations held no grim stories, no fearful images, no intense fears that would stir to life in the dreams of restless, attacked minds.
I smiled at the realization, that right now, my little girls were only upset over lost blankies and naughty turtles with little fearful, painful thing was tormenting their hearts...and I wished with every thing in me that I could just push pause...pause their lives from being affected by this world, it is inevitable after all. But for right now, I just want so badly, to preserve this innocence, this delicate, tender miracle that is childhood...where the scariest thing a young imagination could conjure up, is easily soothed with soft words and quiet prayer, mama's here and lullabies...if only...but for now, I will continue to not have that television that flashes quick images, enough to startle young minds. I will instill Jesus and His sweet mercy, I WILL keep them so close in my heart that they can only react in kind because they are SO LOVED...I will pray all day long when I think of them...I will apologize for angry words and hard days, I will care so much about everything they do, I will their Mother...and until someone comes along and drops those inevitable tragedies into their minds and hearts, until then, they will only be mine and Johns, and Gods first. And while they are still ours all the time, we will bring up strong, smart, capable little children who when faced with the ugliness that will someday introduce itself...when it does, they will have the character and ability to quietly lay it to rest before it even leaves its sting. And even if it does leave a sad mark, it will not last...because before sad things know my children, I will have loved them first. And thats all that really matters.


PapaNana said...

oh I miss those babies....I'm praying for you...I remember nights like those...I would wake up disturbed by fitful dreams and then would realize the whole household was tossing and turning along with me. You are a wonderful mother to those sweet grand babies of mine... you just keep on loving them and let Jesus love you back through those sticky kisses.

Pressed Petals said...

the devil doesn't play fair. you have such a wonderful spirit about you. you babies are blessed to have you as their mom. hope the funk leaves soon. will add you to my prayers. i love the new look of your blog btw!

Patti said...

Their little nightmares were so cute:) I know what I mean:) Such sweet pictures- your girls are so beautiful!

Brunner Family said...

Adorable girls and adorable pictures!! "The devil don't kick no dead dog!!" You go girl!!!

Miss Drea said...

Sis I hope to be half the mom that you are. =) Love you.

Danielle said...

so true. all of what you said. and so good to hear from you again.. and see your cute blog look! lovin it! I pray for you and your church and your sleep. God is faithful. Thank you for being faithful to the call! You are my hero!

Ashley said...

Oh my. As soon as I read about both their dreams i bursted out laughing!! HAHA!! Those girls are the cutest. I've never seen such personality packed into one little girl. Soph you are a wonderful mother tho. serious. I've always noticed that about you. I'll give you a call someday when I'm pioneering and the same happens to me =) yikes. prayin for ya man!