Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Take a deep breath

Last week was so amazing, we spent it at the prescott conference and it impacted me so much. It was also our very first conference without any children!! Okay, I seriously thought I was going to miss them horribly, but truth be told, and much to my chagrin, I didn't miss a'tall....seriously, besides the occasional pang of sadness I was really, REALLY, thankful to have time without them, so I could just hear a sermon (for once) and not do nursery, not feel the pressure off setting up a service, not try to snap out of mommy mode and into wife mode..(if you know what I mean).
My parents, who are superheroes, came ALLL the way down to chico, picked up the girls and went alllll the way back up to mom took the week off and the girls had a jam packed week of fun...but then,  it was back to reality for all of us.
I was obviously very happy to see my little monsters (er darling little wonders) again but man oh man, they are loud and chaotic and needy and well...children. So monday I was exhausted and spent the day unpacking/cleaning etc...then tuesday came around and man...I was ready to ship those kids back to papa and nana's house.
Do you ever find yourself at the end of the day, realizing you've spent it frustrated and upset with the kids, all you can hear is your own voice scolding and scolding and sighing all the live long day? You go to bed feeling like you've just failed as a mother, you suck at being patient, you suck at teaching them anything good, you just suck. sorry if thats a naughty word in your house, it really just fits the bill when it comes to how I felt.
I got up tuesday and it resumed, the scolding and trying to clean around the messy small children, and finally, I stopped. I stopped and looked at those big brown eyes, and realized, the house will always need cleaning, the children will always need schooling and scolding, the laundry will magically keep reproducing and I will never feel like everythings done. BUT! I will miss these days with the kids, as long and stressful as they seem, they will fly and they will be days that I will look back on and wish I had savored.
So at eleven thirty, I packed a lunch, I threw my hair up, and off we went. To explore and picnic the chico creek, to catch little fishies in the stream and learn how to skip rocks across the water....and I loved it...It was gorgeous and relaxing. I was struck by a thought as I soaked in the trees and the beautiful plants and birds, I watched the water flowing over time smoothed pebbles and stones...and I was struck by how, despite the glorious beauty all around me, nothing struck me more, gripped my heart and soul so completely, as my little children, these three small wonders running their fingers through flowing water, skipping rocks across a glassy pond, sinking their toes in the deep deep mud. To quote the famous Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice fame, "you have bewitched me body and soul". And they have and do...
Here's the pictures from those happy two hours..


Bethany said...

Hey Sophie! Leaving a comment as promised! :) Love the pictures! You're little "monsters" are adorable! Had a blast hanging out with you and John! Looking forward to more time together in the future. God bless, Bethany

aly win said...

i love lil rae rae's sagging soggy diaper! and i love this post. It's soooo hard to not just be over whelmed with these beautiful wonderful gifts... Ryder currently lovessss playing in the toilet, he often uses the toilet scrubby (what a smart lil helper) but ew ! I don't want my baby sneaking into the bathroom to play in toilet water haha! i have to remember to be like not for Ryder... instead of what the heck u stinkin' stinker!... he currently is carrying a trash can with a spinny top that's as big as him into the living room... ahh gotta go xo

Destiny said...

Wow those were some sweet pictures. looks like alotta fun! it was great to see ur girls at church ;)

Mandy [Mandipidy] said...

What beautiful little girls! haha, I'm sure I will start to understand the mommy frustrations soon enough... but I am so glad that you were able to get away and just enjoy your daughters' company! It looks like you all had a sweet time! :)

Kelly Marin said...

First I have to say Love the pictures they are so beautiful and so are the subjects! I love your redhead, can I borrow her for a week haha. Second it can seem kind of crazy after being so refreshed and fed and nourished and all those wonderful things that happen at conf, to struggle to get things right at home with the kids and the house. Those things come with the territory and it definitely gets easier as they get older(I think:))So good for you to be so wise and take the time to do something fun, you'll always remember those good times

Laura Lynn said...

Beautiful children!

We all go through that so I know it can get frustrating at times.

I have to take a step back and remind myself how quickly they have already grown so I can't waste any more time and we play a lot. So my house is still a wreck but we've had fun. Now I have to go clean before the critters awake! Bye!